“…in real life beyond the laboratory, many people voluntarily give up their freedoms of speech, action, and association without external guards forcing them to do so. They have internalized the demanding guard as part of their self-image; the guard who limits their options for spontaneity, liberty, and joy in life. Paradoxically, these same people have also internalized the image of the passive prisoner who reluctantly acquiesces to these self-imposed restrictions on all their actions. Any action that calls attention to one’s person threatens him or her with potential humiliation, shame, and social rejection and thus must be avoided. In response to that inner guardian, the prisoner-self shrinks back from life, retreats into a shell, and chooses the safety of the silent prison of shyness.” (pg. 242-243)
This self-imposed guard, whether it be social acceptance, adhering to what is “popular,” fear of failing, perceived personal risk, or a negative self-image inhibits the greatness of the latent hero. We accept these reasons because we do not commonly see ourselves as individuals with the potential for great acts of courage, valor, or bravery. We blend in with grey stereotypes, content to live our lives in non-extraordinary ways. One may challenge, “Perhaps we do not have opportunities for heroism.” My response is that we have a distorted perspective of what constitutes a heroic act. When I hear the word “hero,” my mind flashes to Captain America; with his patriotic shield and dashing appearance he dodges explosions, rescues the soldiers, and saves the girl! Hollywood representation, much? Naturally, one would take the viewpoint of “I could never be THAT guy!” Realistically though, we pass up opportunities every day to make a difference; perhaps not save-the-world-from-a-sociopathic-villain opportunities, but weighty ones nonetheless. I would like to share an example:
In my work as a waitress I interact with hundreds of people, few leaving a prominent mark on my memory. However, one night a particular family came in, a husband, wife, and two children. As I was taking their order, they were deciding what toppings they wanted on their pizza. The wife meekly voiced she liked olives, to which the husband retorted, “You don’t eat enough pizza to warrant a topping.” She quietly finished her salad. Surprised and slightly offended, I finished their order without comment. For the next twenty minutes, I watched their family dynamic. The mother’s protectiveness of the daughter as she left for the restroom, the father’s badgering me about their meal being slow, and his unkind treatment of me, as a woman. It did not take long before I realized he possessed the traits of an abusive spouse; most likely verbally, possibly physically. Frustrated and feeling helpless, I washed dishes. As the mother came to the front counter and paid their check, I silently ran her credit card and smiled at her daughter. She thanked me, took her girl’s hand, and left. “Why didn’t you say something?” I asked myself. Even a simple, “are you okay?” would have sufficed. Maybe he wasn’t abusive, but still, that wife needed to know her husband’s treatment was not acceptable. She remains in my mind, and I still regret not having the courage to speak up. It may have been a little unexpected, but in retrospect, I should have. I share this story not to be depressing or vindictive, but to demonstrate that even in a pizza place, was an opportunity for every-day heroism.
Besides believing in our potential for greatness, there is another role that we must fill: encouraging situations and mentalities that celebrate the powerful affect of the everyday hero. In the movie While You Were Sleeping, the main character, Lucy, is trying to convince another of this principle. She states, “You give up your seat every day on the train.” To which he replies, “Well…that’s not heroic.” Lucy powerfully responds, “It is to the person who sits in it.” Heroism is both innate, and uncommon. Zimbardo states, in the last chapter of his book,
"[H]eroic acts and the people who engage in them should be celebrated. They form essential links among us; they forge our Human Connection. The evil that persist in our midst must be countered, and eventually overcome, by the greater good in the collective hearts and personal heroic resolve of Everyman and Everywoman.”
We are not prisoners of the world and its influences. Be the uncommon hero.
No comments:
Post a Comment